How To Be a Seriously Awesome Wizard: Part 2- A Wand of Wizardly Magic

If the Wizard hat is the first thing your opponent will see, then the Wizard's wand should be one of the last. Granted, a true Wizard does not actually need a wand to cast his or her spells, but usually likes to use it just to show off. Therefore, picking a good wand is essential in striking fear into the hearts of your foes*

(* Robots, Draculas, and Universes do not have hearts, so take extra caution when fighting these tricky enemies!)

The last thing any self respecting spellcaster wants is to pull out his or her wand for a little magical trickery only to be laughed out of the annual Wizard's Ball for accidentally setting the Grand Wizard's wife on fire even though she totally had it coming and even though you apologized the next time you saw them both at the Wizard grocery store.

"But how do I know how to pick a good wand?" you might be asking. Well shut the hell up and stop asking stupid questions, because I am about to inform you.

Let's begin with the basic wand:

The Destroyer 4000:

This is a pretty basic wand, if you are into that sort of thing. It sports a solid gold core, and can cast a pretty mean Fireball spell, if needed. It even appears to have some kind of creepy glowing tip, which I suppose would make it annoying at night when you are trying to fucking sleep.

The Magical Pony Fairy Princess DEATH-O-MATIC 2.0:

Ok, I'm not judging you, but if you choose this wand you probably suck at magic. This wand would most likely fit perfectly in that glitter-covered satchel your grandma made for you that time you invited your best buddy over and braided each others hair, and is perfect for those Wizards that ride pink unicorns into battle. It casts a good rainbow blaster spell, and can clone kittens left and right.

The Magiconquerer:

This wand may not look like much, but it's what inside that counts. It hosts a core made from 100% Dracula souls, and was used by many famous wizards including Dresh the Faceblaster and The Fresh Prince of Hell-air. It is particularly useful when casting a Frozen Fire spell, or a Wine out of Nowhere spell.

The Dragonius Magnifecius Mind Melter X-Treme

The Rolls Royce of wands. This little baby has all sorts of crystals and dragons on it, which lets other Wizards know you mean business. It can cast just about any spell with deadly accuracy, and also works as a programmable remote. It is the only wand in existence that can cast the legendary "Fireball Shitstorm" spell.

Chances are one of these wands is the right fit for you. But remember, a Wizards BEST wand is usually his ultra-powerful, awe-inspiring BRAIN.